Being Ben Gorman

My name is Ben, I am 4 and I have Aspergers. I have a Mummy and Daddy who love me very much.

When God made me he gave me an extra special brain which makes me very special and unique. Sometimes this makes me stand out for some very good reasons. I am very funny, loving and very clever - if you just give me a chance you will see this side of me and learn to love me for who I am. Sometimes I stand out for some not so good reasons.

I find people quite tricky to understand sometimes; when you are cross or sad I do not always realise it - this can get me into big trouble. I try hard to be kind and caring to my friends but sometimes they do silly things or they don't listen to me when I am trying to explain things to them or they don't play games with the right rules. Sometimes they ignore me and sometimes they laugh at me. This is very upsetting for me and makes me feel very lonely. But sometimes I can feel something inside me getting hotter and hotter (my mummy calls this the red beast). The red beast is really hard to ignore and sometimes it becomes so big that I feel like my brain is exploding and it makes me shout or hit or throw. People don't like it when I do that - but they don't understand how powerful the red beast inside me can be. I am trying hard to control him and sometimes I do this really well and everyone is happy with me but sometimes I don't do so well.

Mummy says I am very impulsive. This means that sometimes the red beast snaps inside me and doesn't give me time to think about what I am doing. But sometimes I am just being a bit silly because I am only 4 and I am also a regular kid just like all my friends. Even my friends are silly and unkind sometimes.

I love chips and nuggets but lots of foods are very very smelly for me and make me gag and give me watery eyes. I love making loud noises and enjoy listening to the echoes all around me. I can hear echoes even when people tell me there are none - but most people just can't hear them. But I really really don't like certain loud noises like hand dryers, machinery or even alarms. All these noises hurt my ears. I think other people must have blocked up ears if they can't hear the hurting noise like I can. The smells and noises can make the red beast get bigger and hotter; this makes life very difficult sometimes.

At the moment I love learning things about countries and the Solar System. I also love to look at my atlas and learn about volcanoes, glaciers and tectonic plates. I don't really understand why some people aren't interested in this. Mostly other people want to talk about boring stuff and my friends just want to play superheroes and chase.

Please don't look at me and just see a naughty boy. I want you to look at me and see Ben Gorman - a special kid just like your kids and your grandkids. I am Ben Gorman with feelings just like you. I am Ben Gorman, please don't judge me for the red beast you sometimes see. I am Ben Gorman and I want to join in with my friends; I'm just not always sure how to do that. I am Ben Gorman and I want and need to be loved and accepted for who I am just like you.

I am Ben Gorman and I am just me.

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