A Frazzled Yummy Mummy

Parenting can turn you from super-sizzling career woman to frazzled but yummy mummy. I'm not entirely sure at which point the transformation takes place. I think it might just be a change in the way the brain works that occurs at conception and becomes increasingly obvious once your precious bundle of joy arrives.

I have noticed three distinct stages. We all know the first as the 'pregnant brain' stage - where you start to do random things like pinch your hubby's bum in the street and then realising your hubby is several steps ahead and you are walking next to a doddery pensioner.

The second stage - 'sleep deprivation' stage - occurs once the baby arrives and the sleep deprivation becomes all consuming. In this stage we do things like relaxing with a cuppa before realising you have drunk the whole lot from the baby's bottle, or throwing used nappies in the washing machine with your best silks.

The third stage is simply the 'frazzled yummy mummy' stage. I am in the throes of the this stage so couldn't tell you at what point it ends (if ever). I would love to hear from any mums who have come out the other side.

You know when you are in the frazzled yummy mummy stage when:
  • You pick up a piece of spat out meatball and without even pausing for thought pop it in your mouth. It's only when you glance up and notice the guy opposite you looking at you like you have grown horns that you realise how grebby you must look.

  • You get the kids fed, washed, dressed and out of the house on time. You have even had time to put a spot of make up on. But as you approach the school gates you look down and realise you are still wearing your sexy kitten pyjama trousers.

  • You serve dinner for your in-laws and find yourself cutting their meat into bite-size pieces.

  • You have had a busy day of chores: trip to Sainsburys, meeting with mortgage advisor, posting some parcels and you get your eyebrows threaded. But on the way back to the car you glance at your colourful image in a shop window and remember that you let your five year old give you a makeover before you left the house.

  • You see no problem with grabbing a random two year old at the park and wiping his nose.

  • You lose the TV remote for the upteenth time that week - and find it later in the fridge.

  • You join adult education or parenting classes for two reasons: 1. they have a free creche 2. They have free tea and biscuits.

  • You don't think twice about giving your child a double dose of Calpol at bedtime - in the hope that they might sleep through.

  • Before saying goodbye to your guests after a dinner party you find yourself asking if they need to do a wee wee before they leave.

  • When you lose your handbag while out and about you are more concerned that you have no baby wipes or calpol than you are about your purse or mobile phone.

  • Your baby is sick in your face - and you are actually relieved that at least it missed your clothes.

  • On a Kareoke night out you find yourself requesting 'bouncing up and down on the big red tractor' or the 'sleeping bunnies' song.

  • You think nothing of crawling round on your hands and knees chasing your kid round to sniff his butt to see if he has pooed.

  • You think nothing of doing this for someone else's child.

  • When in the middle of the night you can't find the nasal sucker, you think nothing of sucking the blockage from your baby's nose so that he can breathe properly.

  • You congratulate your husband on eating all his dinner up with 'wow that was great eating - would you like some yog yog now?'
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