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Ok no problem, I'm doing just fine

Now most of you will have never had to experience the world of colonoscopies. This is basically where a perfect stranger has a completely normal conversation with you while leaning against your naked butt cheeks and thrusting a camera on a stick up it. If you are in the ‘my butt is still my own’ category I salute and envy you.

I sincerely hope this never becomes a reality for you. But please spare a thought for me – for whom this is a three-yearly torture in the name of health.

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